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Adult Historical Facts You Weren’t Taught in School

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Julie D’Aubigny was a famous 17th century French opera singer who once took the holy vows to enter a convent just so she could have sex with a nun. She also had a habit of seducing women at parties, which would lead their husbands to challenge her to a duel. She was an expert duelist and killed 10 men like this.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

Frankenstein author Mary Shelley lost her virginity on her mother’s grave.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

19th century French poet Victor Hugo slept with so many prostitutes that on the day he died, all the brothels in Paris were closed, because so many of the prostitutes took the day off the mourn him.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

The US government tried undermining Sukarno’s rule over Indonesia by hiring a random Hispanic guy (who apparently looked like Sukarno) to do a porno and distributing it to the people of Indonesia. The idea was that this tape would further Sukarno’s image as a lecherous womanizer and cause a negative reaction from the conservative Muslim population. Apparently Sukarno was thrilled and thought it was great (he allegedly bragged about it) and the people of Indonesia simply didn’t care.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

When Blackbeard blockaded Charleston Harbor in 1718, he didn’t ask for gold, he demanded medicine. The salacious part of this request is what type of medicine was requested…you see he requested mercury and injection equipment. Back in the day, mercury injected into the urethra was thought to be a cure for gonorrhea. And after a long stint in the brothels of Barbados, most of the men in his fleet were completely infested! Thus, Blackbeard the pirate captured Charelston harbor because his man parts were…causing him issues…so to speak.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

The vibrator was invented for doctors who were getting carpel tunnel from using their fingers to give female patients orgasms in order to treat hysteria.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

James Joyce used to write the nastiest love letters to his wife, Nora.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

King Louis XVI had trouble impregnating Marie Antoinette because he had phimosis (the inability to retract the foreskin0. At the time, he was fascinated with locks, so his opponents made jokes about “the locksmith having trouble finding the keyhole”.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

Ben Franklin was known to take Air-Baths, where he would sit in a room for hours, totally nude. He believed it was good for overall health.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

Most commonfolk throughout much of history had very meager lodgings, and most families would sleep together both for warmth as well as the simple fact that they didn’t have the space for people to sleep separately. If mom and dad were in the mood to procreate, the rest of the family was just… there.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

John Harvey Kellog (yes that Kellogg on your sugary cereals) hated masturbation and thought it would rot your child’s brain. He thought spicy foods made you sexually excited and so people were convinced that giving your child bland foods would keep the hormones at bay. This made Kellogg put into production all these bland tasting cereals and graham crackers (which had little to no sugar back then) to keep your children from popping boners. He also would brag about not having sex with his wife of 20 years.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

The first thing the “Father of Microbiology,” Anton van Leeuwenhoek, put under a microscope was semen. They understood that semen was integral to the creation of life but didn’t yet understand the concept of single-cell organisms. He fully expected to see tiny little humans in his jizz.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

Isaac Newton was was said to have died a virgin, but had a strange obsession with blood, specifically the menstrual blood of prostitutes, which he thought had magical properties. The walls of his room were painted red for this reason.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

Mozart was very fond of scatalogical humor. He wrote several songs about shitting on people or just shitting in general. He even wrote a song called, “Leck mich im Arsch” (Lick my ass).

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

In the Roman Army it was expected for younger officers to make themselves sexually available to their superiors, and called them ‘father’.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us

Gandhi was extremely racist towards black people. He also slept naked with a lot of women many of them underage and when his first wife was dying he denied the use of penicillin which would have saved her.

History Teachers Hide Lots Of “Explicit” Facts From Us
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Jason Donner

Jason Donner devoured the universe and you are all living inside him.