The Secret Life of Pets

http://slightlywarped.com/the-secret-life-of-pets/
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There’s a secret life that our pets are leading as opposed to the public life where they pretty much just shit and piss on everything we love.  No, my friends, this secret life is all… well, it’s mostly just that they can talk to each other and sneak out of our apartments to hang out and party with each other.   It’s not that exciting.

2-a96RQkJ2When an only god named Max suddenly finds himself roommates with a big shaggy dog named Duke, the new pooches don’t like each other very much and scheme to get rid of each other, only to succeed when they accidentally get rid of each other at the same time and find themselves on the streets of New York with dogcatchers and a psychopathic bunny on their tails.   Of course, the rag-tag team of friends they left at home comes looking for them and…

Okay, you’ve seen this movie before, all right?  There’s a formula.  It follows it.  This is Toy Story, the Incredible Journey, and Jurassic Park.   You’ve seen this.  It’s not new.

And, even though it’s not new… it’s not bad either.  Don’t get me wrong, The Secret Life of Pets isn’t going to be remembered or net any awards or anything, but it’s inoffensive and actually does have sufficient jokes that illicit just enough laughter to justify the ticket price.   If I never saw this movie, I would die eventually without regrets.  Since I did see the movie… I’m still not regretting.  This is fluff… cotton candy… forgettable and harmless.

Okay, I actually did like how the dogs were mostly ignorant about the ways of the world even if it was rather inconsistently executed.  The bunny was funny.  Louis CK was pretty much wasted in this role.   Honestly, they could have had anyone record Max’ lines and we would have gotten the same result.

It’s almost like Louis CK… didn’t care?

Is that possible?

Overall, I have no strong opinions either way.  This was an experience in the same way that breathing or existing is an experience.  It’s not something I’m completely against, but on the other hand I’m not going to remember it later in the day.   My daughter asked me in the car ride home what my favorite part of the movie was and I honestly couldn’t answer.    I had to say things like, “Oh, the rabbit was funny” or “the dog in the wheelchair was funny,” but I couldn’t think of anything specific.

This movie wasn’t made for me.   I can’t help it and, to be fair, The Secret Life of Pets can’t help it either.   It wasn’t painful or awful to sit through and, for that, I guess I should be thankful.

Can I just ask why Moana is getting shit for having a “fat” character (who is NOT FUCKING FAT) when this movie gets a pass for having a fat character who is literally nothing but a walking fat joke?   Goddammit, I hate social justice warriors these days.

 

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About the author

Jason Donner

Jason Donner devoured the universe and you are all living inside him.