The Avengers

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Man, what the hell is Uma Thurman’s problem?

sc-fan-shirtFirst, she makes Pulp Fiction – good movie -, then she makes Batman and Robin – a horrible joke of a movie. She almost redeems herself with Gattaca, then she goes and makes a so-called excuse for a piece of crap movie like the one I wasted four dollars and two hours of my life on… namely, The Avengers.

Even more inexcusable than Uma Thurman being in this movie… Sean Connery is in it!!! Jeez Louise, what sort of blackmail did the makers of this movie have on him to get him to appear in this horrible waste of celluloid? And Ralph “Hey, I Was the English Patient” Fines must have done something terrible in a former life to have been saddled with this monster.

The Avengers looks great… but that’s about all it has going for it is looks. The story is contrived and predictable and there are so many plot elements that can only be described as sheer stupidity. (Sean Connery in a teddy bear costume, A clone of Mrs. Peel, an invisible man in the records room, and a man named Mother and a woman named Father just to name a few.)

What’s worse it that I went into this movie actually thinking I was going to have a good time watching it… instead, I left the theater feeling ill and contemplating more productive ways I could have spent the last two hours (giving my hamster a bath, dusting cobwebs off of my ceiling, staring at the sun with no eye protection).

To make a long review short, Uma Thurman’s back on my list of Donner’s Mortal Enemies along with new additions Sean Connery and Ralph Fines and whoever wrote and directed this thing. Pass up this stinker… I wouldn’t even tell you to wait for video. Wait ’till it gets on network TV (FOX)… at least then you can change the channel and see what else is on.

Better yet, just don’t watch it.  It’s the worst movie I’ve seen this year… easily.

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About the author

Jason Donner

Jason Donner devoured the universe and you are all living inside him.