2017 Movies

Movie Reviews

Dunkirk

Though I don’t like war movies, Dunkirk is an incredible example of the genre. It shows that heroes don’t necessarily wear uniforms and that bravery comes in all shapes. It shows that not everything ends happily with heroes skipping off into the sunset when war is involved and that heart is the greatest weapon a human can have.

Movie Reviews

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

It’s not remarkable and it’s not terrible, it’s in that nondescript gray area inbetween which, to me, is worse than being bad. Almost twenty years after it was shat into theaters, people still talk about how bad Batman and Robin was or how bad Lost in Space was, but at least they’re remembered. In twenty years, no one will remember Valerian short of an occasional airing on FXX or SyFy… it will be resigned to the obscurity of the forgotten which is a terrible fate for what should have been art.

Movie Reviews

Transformers: The Last Knight

Tranformers: The Last Knight is a conundrum of excess and a lack of care. This is a corporate product made to sell toys and make money from product placement. It has no soul, there was no love for it from the people who made it, and watching it made me feel dead on the inside.

Movie Reviews

Wonder Woman

Folks, this movie is just so good. It’s everything a DC movie should be… bright, colorful, inspirational, and true to the characters we’ve been reading for years. We need more of this and less of asshole Superman. Less tattooed Joker and more pure characters.

Movie Reviews

Alien: Covenant

Alien: Covenant is a dumpster fire. A long, tedious, uninteresting and completely scareless movie that takes what should be simple survival horror and mixes it with psychological double-talk that is supposed to elevate it to philosophy, but really does nothing more than shove the movie’s head up its own ass so that it can sniff its own farts and convince itself that it’s some sort of designer perfume.