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2017 Movies

Movie Reviews

The Mummy (2017)

The Mummy is back and rebooted! This time there is no goofy and likeable Brenden Frasier helping us slodge through a stupid action movie… now we have the stilted and unlikable Tom Cruise making the stupid action movie stretch on for ages.

Movie Reviews

It (2017)

It’s disturbing, well-acted, it’s got some neat scares, I liked the cast, and Bill Skarsgård does what many considered impossible… be a Pennywise every bit as memorable as Tim Curry, even if it’s for different reasons.

Movie Reviews

Death Note

I’m confident that, even if you have never seen the anime, you’ll find this movie a worthless pile of shit as well. With so much going for it in the mythology, it’s almost fascinating to witness almost nothing go right.

Movie Reviews

Naked

Have you ever wanted to see a half-assed Groundhog Day with more nudity and no jokes? Of course you haven’t, but for some reason, Netflix thinks you should! Fortunately, I’ve taken one for the team this time around and say through the alleged comedy, Naked, starring alleged comedian, Marlon Wayans.

Movie Reviews

Batman and Harley Quinn

I’ll be honest here, if you’re not ready to see a mature (and immature) take on the Bruce Timm era, you should probably give this movie a pass. There’s sex, there’s blood, there’s murder, there’s titty-shaking, there’s farting… it’s all here.

Movie Reviews

Dunkirk

Though I don’t like war movies, Dunkirk is an incredible example of the genre. It shows that heroes don’t necessarily wear uniforms and that bravery comes in all shapes. It shows that not everything ends happily with heroes skipping off into the sunset when war is involved and that heart is the greatest weapon a human can have.

Movie Reviews

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

It’s not remarkable and it’s not terrible, it’s in that nondescript gray area inbetween which, to me, is worse than being bad. Almost twenty years after it was shat into theaters, people still talk about how bad Batman and Robin was or how bad Lost in Space was, but at least they’re remembered. In twenty years, no one will remember Valerian short of an occasional airing on FXX or SyFy… it will be resigned to the obscurity of the forgotten which is a terrible fate for what should have been art.