If you wish to send an e-mail, click the e-mail address below.  Of you want to submit a story to be included on The Slightly Warped Website, please read the guidelines below.

Question #1
I've written what I believe to be the greatest Star Trek parody in the history of mankind.  What do I do next?

Well, first of all... you haven't written the greatest Star Trek parody of all time.  That parody was written by me in 1996, but since you have a story, I guess you can go ahead and submit it.  First, you need to read the submission guidelines and, since you're already doing that, you're well on your way.

Question #2
You still haven't answered my question.  What do I do to submit a story!?

Ah, well... you're a egotistical little cuss aren't you?  I like that!  What you do is send your story to my e-mail address.  I'm not going to give you that address until the end of the FAQ so you will have to read all the guidelines.

Question #3
But couldn't I just scroll down and get the address without reading your stupid guidelines?

Shut up.

Question #4
I've noticed that this website is updated only once every other decade.  Why is that?  Is it some sort of arduous process or are you just a lazy good for nothing bastard?

A little of both, actually.  I run this website as a hobby and as a hobby only.  Sure, I get the ocassional e-mail saying that I owe the public updates, but that's ridiculous.  I mean, I don't come to your house and badger you to finish your ship in a bottle or oil painting because I think you owe it to the public, do I?

Question #5
Okay, like I've said, I think I've written a damn good story and I want it on your website and don't want to have to wait until I'm in the retirement home before people read it.  How, short of tracking you down and torturing you, can I get my story posted as quickly and painlessly as possible?

Well, unlike most people I actually get off on the occasional round of torture but I'm sure that's more than you were prepared to hear.

To get your story posted as quickly as possible, the best thing you can do is send it in a small html document attached to your e-mail.  That way, there is very little work I have to do.  If you don't know how to do this, there are plenty of html tutorials on the internet you can read.

The second best thing for you to do is send it in formatted text form.  It's a little more work for me, but not a whole lot.

Finally, although we do take Microsoft Works, Wordpad, and unformatted text files, these are the ones that take a long time to format and put on the page and are the most likely candidate to be pushed to the side.

Question #6
Are there any file types you don't accept?

So far, the only one that I haven't been able to accept is word perfect.

Question #7
I submitted a story over a year ago and you still haven't posted it.  What gives?

At the risk of sounding like a jackass, I probably didn't think it was worth my time... either that or you pissed me off.

Question #8
I don't want to piss you off!  How can I avoid that!?

Glad you asked.  Here are the things that piss me off...

1.  Stealing.  I hate people who steal other people's stuff and try to pass it off as their own.  Rest assured, I always find out about this and the thieves are always banned from slightlywarped.com for life.
2.  Bad stories.  Yep, believe it or not I do get a story or ten that are just awful.  They aren't posted here.
3.  Misspellings.  I'm not the best speller in the world, but every now and then I get a story that is slightly amusing, but looks like someone spent ten minutes writing it in the body of an e-mail without even doing a spell check.  If you don't care that much about your own story, what makes you think I will?
4.  Negativity.  You want to write a story that bashes Star Trek, Sliders, The X-Files, or whatever?  Take it somewhere else.  The internet is full of people bitching and griping and complaining and - DAMMIT - I want this website to be a shining beacon against cynicism and griping.  Don't like it?  Start your own website.
5.  Incompleteness.  If I could only count the times someone has sent me part one of a story with the promise that part two was in the works... well, that's just great.  Why don't you keep part one until part two is finished?
6.  Dumb Questions.  Yes, I DO want you to send in your story.  Don't ask first!  Just send it!
7.  Badgering.  You've submitted a story and you send me an e-mail every hour on the hour asking why it isn't posted yet?  I'll tell you why... it's because I've deleted it because you've pissed me off.
8.  No title/No Name.  Include them, please.

Question #9
You certainly seem like a grumpy guss.

Run a page like this for ten years and you get that way.

Question #10
Are there any exceptions to the rules I should know about?

Yes, before writing a story for Justice Squad, it is required that you send in an outline of your proposed episode.  Don't think that by writing a whole episode and sending it in, you can get it around me because it doesn't work that way.  I've trashed whole scripts before without a second thought and I'll probably do it again.

Episodes for the web serials aren't added to the schedule until the completed episode is in my hand.

Question #11
So, is that it?

That's it!  There's the e-mail address below and I'm really looking foreword to seeing this story of yours!