Signs Signs Everywhere There’s Signs
Give Daddy Some Love...

At a Santa Fe gas station:
We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
–Sisters of Mercy

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
38 years on the same spot.

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.

On a movie theater:
Children’s matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child.

In a Florida maternity ward:
No children allowed.

In the offices of a loan company:
Ask about our plans for owning your home.

In a New York medical building:
Mental Health Prevention Center

In a toy department:
Five Santa Clauses — No waiting!

On a New York convalescent home:
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.

At a number of military bases:
Restricted to unauthorized personnel.

On a display of “I love you only” valentine cards:
Now available in multi-packs.

On a shopping mall marquee:
Archery Tournament — Ears pierced

Outside a country shop:
We buy junk and sell antiques.

In the window of an Oregon store:
Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?

In a Maine restaurant:
Open 7 days a week and weekends.

In a New Jersey restaurant:
Open 11 AM to 11 PM midnight.

In the vestry of a New England church:
Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

On the grounds of a public school:
No tresspassing without permission.

In a library:
Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away.

Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
If you can’t read this, it’s time to wash your car.

And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says “Do not throw stones at this sign.”

Give Daddy Some Love...
About the author

Jason Donner

Jason Donner devoured the universe and you are all living inside him.