Minority Report: “Pilot”

http://slightlywarped.com/minority-report-pilot/

Season 1, Episode 1

Airdate:  September 21, 2015

[yasr_overall_rating size=”large”]

 

Jesus God’s ballsack, this show is so incredibly stupid.

Based off of the Tom Cruise science fiction movie, Minority Report (which is one of my favorite movies), Minority Report the television show picks up several years after the fall of precrime.  A police detective named Vega teams up with Dash, one of the three precog psychics from the movie who can see crimes before they happen.  Together, they must stop the assassination of a politician and keep Dash away from the authorities for some reason.

animal-tags-003-07312015I hated this episode.  While the special effects and cityscapes are impressive to look at, Minority Report is thus far a highly polished piece of shit… an incredibly crafted world with nothing of substance dropped into it.

The two leads have no chemistry together and apart, they are even less interesting.  I can’t believe that professional actors can be this bad on purpose, so I can only assume that neither one of them thinks that this show will make it and decided to invest as little energy in it as possible.

The greatest sin that Minority Report commits is that it’s predictable and boring.  It’s never surprising… you’re introduced to two suspects and it’s pretty obvious that they’re behind it from the moment you meet them… and the plot progresses exactly how you think it will.  Basically, it’s a bad cop show sprinkled with amazing special effects and intrusive future ads.

Do you remember the dystopian privacy-invading world of the Minority Report movie?  Rather than making a commentary on it and showing the disturbing parallels to today’s culture, the Minority Report television series is happily in bed with it, scanning people without their knowledge and consent and thinking that the personalized pop-up ads jumping out at you like a goddamn serial killer are all hilarious as shit.

It’s not… it’s not supposed to be.  Goddammit, it’s like they missed the entire point of the movie!

Although, the throwaway Simpsons gag about the 75th season did make me laugh.

Minority Report is a true stinker.  A trite and dull paint-by-numbers cop show with no imagination or drive.  The complete lack of care and love in the creation of this series is painfully apparent and I have little faith that it’s going to get better.

This show is going to be murdered and you really don’t need a precog to make that prediction.

About the author

Jason Donner

Jason Donner devoured the universe and you are all living inside him.