Marvel’s Inhumans: “Behold… The Inhumans” and “Those Who Would Destroy Us”

Let’s use our brains and conduct a thought experiment. Let’s say that you tune in one day to watch an hour-long drama about Kim Jong-un and his rule of North Korea. During this hour long drama, Kim is overthrown and kicked out of the country by the people he oppressed for so long and has to go hang around Hawaii for a while.

Now what if I told you that you’re supposed to feel sorry for Kim. That Kim is the good guy in the story and all he wants to do is go back to North Korea and set things back to the way they were. You would think that it was the worst idea in the history of anything, wouldn’t you? You would think that you would have to be a complete idiot to write something that asinine, wouldn’t you?

Inhumans doesn’t star the chubby dictator of North Korea, but it does star a bunch of dictators with superpowers who have been keeping normal people down and making them work brutal jobs in mines. These are the heroes, folks!

Marvel’s Inhumans is a verifiable non-consensual clusterfuck of epic proportions that involves unwanted and a strain of HIV so virulent that it actually has teeth.

It’s almost fascinating how bad it is as if actual effort was taken to remove anything good from the series. The actors are wooden, almost to the point that it looks like they don’t even want to be there, dressed in there cheap wigs and Dime Store costumes. The writing is every bit as atrocious with cliche dripping from every forced word that tumbles from the actors’ timid lips.

I was trying… really trying to come up with one thing about this series that I thought worked and I kept going back to the giant bulldog, Lockjaw. He was cool. He was cute. He’s too good for this show. Inhumans seems to realize this and takes him out halfway through the first episode. That’s bullshit, I want this goddamn dog to have his own spin-off!

Everything that could possibly be wrong with the series is wrong with it. The heroes are unlikable, everything about it appears cheap as if it has come off of some kind of low budget Corman movie, the acting is terrible, the script really isn’t helping, and even the sets on this supposed paradise built on the moon are the most uninspired and boring sets that I have seen on a show that has a budget big enough to not have to have boring and uninspired sets.

I know it probably doesn’t help that I don’t have the slightest clue who the Inhumans are, short of their appearances on Agents of Shield, but that could have been help with a little bit of explanation. You would think in a show so weighed down by exposition, they could have taken five minutes to explain who the Inhumans are, why they’re in charge, and what the fuck they’re doing on the moon.

I don’t give two gallons of shit about any of these supposed heroes. As far as I’m concerned, that dick who played that dick in Game of Thrones was more than justified kicking them out of their moon palace. Screw it, I’m rooting for him.

If Saturday Night Live was the not ready for Primetime players, this was the not ready for television series superheroes. If Marvel had such a genital itch to portray these characters on television, they should have gone through Agents of Shield that had been setting up Inhumans for the last two years. Having them in their own spin-off now, makes absolutely no sense.

Whatever the case, this series is bad and it had absolutely no excuse to be bad. the money was there, the mythology was there, all ABC had to do was run with it to the end zone, but what happened was that the ball sailed through the air hit them in the face and broke their nose, the blood and boogers spring onto the television which is what we ended up with.

My analogies need work, I am aware of that.

About the author

Jason Donner

Jason Donner devoured the universe and you are all living inside him.
  • Ellex

    From what I’ve read about this show, these Inhumans are nothing to do with the ones on Agents of Shield, and the two shows are not set in the same universe.

    Just to make things extra confusing for the audience.

    However, I haven’t watched The Inhumans because every single review has said it’s terrible.