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Crazy Vintage Inventions

http://slightlywarped.com/crazy-vintage-inventions/
shelter3

The Nuclear Bomb Shelter. Nothing like surviving a nuclear attack only to be roasted alive inside of an enclosure thanks to the heat and radiation.

suntan1

For only ten cents, you could spritz yourself with sun tan oil for a fine tan.

pipe1

A cigar built for two that totally does not send the wrong message about your sexual preferences.

deskbed1

The desk bed because students need a nap every now and then.

spaghetti11

The Spaghetti Spinner Fork for those of you two exhausted by the act of eating spaghetti.

motorwheel1

The Mono-wheel Motorcycle. Looks cool until you’re eating asphalt as it was almost impossible to maintain your balance.

monopod1

The Monopod Stool. For some reason, this handy stool never took off, possibly because it looks like you have a pole stuck in your ass.

lawnmower7

The air conditioned lawnmower. FINALLY! Now, if only they could invent a riding enclosed vacuum cleaner.

jetpack1

The jetpack… good for a whopping 20-30 seconds of flight. Pay thousands of dollars to cover the distance of a brisk walk.

tiprequest1

The automatic tip-requester, because actually handling a gratuity is just so hard.

tires6

Glowing tires. These are actually pretty cool and I can see the practical use. Seriously, I have nothing smartassy to say about this.

chainsmoker1

This was called The Chain Smoker and it was for people who just couldn’t get cancer fast enough.

bras3

The vibrating bra was thought to cause a woman’s bust to become stronger and more firm. I’m sure someone also invented the vibrating cock-sock, but I don’t have a picture.

boats1

The transparent canoe for when you want to see all of the trash at the bottom of a lake.

bike9

The rocket-powered bike. I’m sure this was like watching a real-life Roadrunner cartoon only with more blood and paralysis.

baldhead1

The Bald Head Polisher. Turtle wax sold separately.

spoons1

The soup cooling spoon. Who cares if you look like a retarded tool. There’s literally no other way to cool your soup short of, you know… letting it cool.

babycage1

Window Mounted Baby Cages…. MOTHER OF GOD!!!!

sunningchair1

The Sunning Chair for when you want to make like a piece of bacon on a hot day.

coffeemaker3

The In-Car Coffee Maker because nothing wakes you up faster than boiling coffee spilling on your crotch.

About the author

Jason Donner

Jason Donner devoured the universe and you are all living inside him.