Kirk falls in love with a mass murderer, but her father disapproves, so the captain has her committed.
In a one-hour flashback, Spock reminisces about the good old days when he used to smile and yell like the best of them.
Kirk fakes out a superior intelligence, or so the Captain’s Log says.
The director of an insane asylum invents an electronic aphrodisiac and tries it out on Kirk (as if he needed one).
The Enterprise discovers an Earth-like planet with no adults where everybody gets a certain fatal disease as soon as they reach puberty, so Kirk risks violating the Prime Directive by giving them condoms.
Kirk finally solves his problem of lust for the Enterprise by having a scientist build him a new ship in the shape of a woman. Unfortunately, it falls in love with the food dispenser, so he phasers them both.
When the Enterprise takes on a troop of traveling mud-wrestlers, all the crewmen, including Kirk, immediately become infatuated, so Uhura dumps them all on an ice planet to cool them off.
No guest stars, so Kirk gets frustated and beats himself up.
Kirk makes love to the Enterprise, with disastrous results. Lwaxana confesses her love for Spock, who goes running to his mommy.
Kirk kills his best friend, destroying all evidence that his middle initial is not really “T”.