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This website proudly stands against the traitor George W. Bush and his illegal activities as the president of the United States. Contact your representatives in the government and tell them to impeach Bush now! |
Monday February 5, 2007
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HOW TO DEAL WITH MORMONS
QUICK JOKE
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately
spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that
said $50.00.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that
this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution, and sometimes it says
some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird
anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and
waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the ! room, then at her, and said, "New house,
New madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought,
"That's really not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and
said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a
bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how
and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith!"
QUICK JOKE II
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to
process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a
very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the
money I had until my next pension check.
Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other
workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few
dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which
they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna
and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read,
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your
gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had
a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office.
QUICK JOKE III
Gennaro (the Italian Immigrant) is in this country for only 6 months. He
walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he
stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes. He
wants those shoes so much ... it's all he can think about. After about 2
months he saves $300 for the price of the shoes, and purchases them.
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Gennaro seizes this opportunity to wear his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, "Sophia, you wear red panties tonight?"
Startled, Sophia replies, "Yes, Gennaro, I wear red panties tonight, but how you know?"
Gennaro answers, "I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes. How you like them?"
Next dance he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, Rosa, you wear white panties tonight?"
Rosa answers, "Yes, Gennaro, I do, how you know that?"
He replies, "I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes. How do you like them?"
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Gennaro asks Carmela to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red. He states, "Carmela, be stilla my heart, please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, please, please, tella me this true!"
Carmela smiles coyly and answers, "Yes Gennaro, I wear no panties tonight."
Gennaro gasps, "Thanka God. I thought I hadda CRACK in my $300 Boccelli leather shoes!""
GOT JOKE?
Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit
The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the
brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
for all the world to see!
|
ADBUL NOW THT ISNT THE RIGHT ATTITUDE U SHUD HAV A GD ATTITUDE 2WARDS US WHITE PPL THANKU 4 UR COOPERATION PLZ DONT BOMB ME GOODBYE . ~WE H8 PAKIS |
Dear We H8 Pakis,
I believe you're looking for the Ain't it Cool News forums. It's down the hall and to the left.
Love,
Donner
HOLY COW, LOOK AT THE BODIES!!!
The little woman and I went to the museum the other day. I know what you're thinking, "what the hell were YOU doing at a museum?" Well, truthfully, I thought it was a Hastings and then couldn't leave due to the crowd. It's a good thing I stayed, though, because I've got to tell you about the extremely messed up thing I witnessed.
It
was an exhibit called Body Worlds (or Körperwelten to the rest of the world)
and, in this exhibit, the museum displayed actual preserved human bodies in a
variety of artistic and educational poses.
What did I tell you? Messed up!
But cool none the less. I've heard of this exhibit before and, if you've seen Casino Royale, then you've seen a little bit of Body Worlds in that one scene in Miami. It's a pretty famous exhibit and it's making the rounds in America now.
Normally, I'm not one to be moved by bodies since, let's face it... they're just meat, but Body Worlds is something all together different. I only found the exhibit uncomfortable once in a room where a pregnant woman and her unborn baby were displayed and several babies at various stages of development, but overall I've never been so fascinated with learning anything in my life.
This show is haunting and a real learning experience that gives you a genuine and concrete idea of what an exact and flawless creation that the human body is. If you get a chance to see this thing, see it!
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JUSTICE SQUAD NEW EPISODE! Capeman and company confront Ultrawoman about her behavior as Cosmic Weasel and Doctor Wham reunite for a man's weekend! |
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NEW CRAPPY STUFF AT THE CRAP FACTORY A new case of Subliminal Advertising, a new Awesome Mystery You've Never Heard Of, and a new Amazing Image! |
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THE BEST AND WORST OF 2006 Get a look at Donner's annual list, plus reviews of A Night at the Museum, American Pie: The Naked Mile, Little Miss Sunshine, and Barnyard! |
And I'm spent. Leave me alone.
Monday February 12, 2007
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QUICK JOKE
The City Health Inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and
takes a seat to where he can see the kitchen.
While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the Health Inspector nearly chokes when he see that he is not wearing a shirt. The chef then proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest.
Appalled, the Health Inspector had barely finished writing up this infraction when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit.
Shocked and bewildered, the Health Inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen.
"That's nothing," said the manager, "you should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!" "
QUICK JOKE II
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second.
"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping
service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the
two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an
elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up
on the square.
As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'piñata'?"
QUICK JOKE III
"I bet you don't know what day this is", said the wife to her husband as
he made his way out the front door.
The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: "Of course I
do, my dear. How could I forget!?" With that, he turned and rushed to
catch the bus for work.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was
handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses.
At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates
arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman
couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
The husband was smug when he returned from work, satisfied that he had
recovered what could have been a very bad situation.
His wife was indeed surprised: "First the flowers, then the chocolates
and then the dress!" she exclaimed, "I've never had a more wonderful
Groundhog Day in my life!""
GOT JOKE?
Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit
The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the
brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
for all the world to see!
|
A Woo Hooo This Shit Is Shitt!! Rocksss My SOckk Pahhh!:P ~ Staceyyy |
Dear Staceyyy,
I was going to say something about your appalling grammar, but saying that this place is shit and that it only rocks one of your socks has really hurt my feelings. Thanks a lot, jackhole.
Love,
Donner
I CAME, I SAW, I FAILED... MISERABLY
I have this never-ending quest, you see, to get on a reality TV show. God knows why, but I've been trying on and off for at least three years now to get on something... anything! Call it fun, call it a need for adventure or attention.... I'm not sure what it is.
Now, I did get very close one time. I was called in as a finalist to be on Big Brother the year that that cocksucker Jace, that slut Holy, and that dipshit Cowboy was on. I didn't make it on TV that time and, yet, I still try.
This time around, it was VH1's World Series of Pop Culture. Myself and my two siblings formed a team, went to Austin, and tried out for the show along with about fifty other teams and, man, were we ever shut out.
First thing they did was have us take a test and, let me tell you, this was some of the hardest and most obscure pop culture questions I've ever been asked (I can't talk about them specifically due to a legal agreement I signed). There were fifty of them and I think I only got 28 of them correct.
Needless to say, we were all eliminated in the first round and only four teams out of the whole group passed.
And so, yet again, I'm shut out. The great conspiracy to keep me out of reality TV land continues. I am not heartbroken, though... this just means I get to keep trying out for The Amazing Race... the one show I really really really want to be on.
Goddammit, Phil! Return my phone calls!
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JUSTICE SQUAD NEW EPISODE! Justice Squad goes to a concert to hunt aliens! Don't ask, just read it! |
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NEW REVIEWS It's the first movie of 2007 to be reviewed... and it SUCKS!!! |
That's it for this week. Join us next week for more useless crap and insufficient updates!
Wednesday February 21, 2007
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QUICK JOKE
An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.
"Nothing," shrugged the woman, "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback..."
QUICK JOKE II
This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in
the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.
"Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.
"Boy," is the man's response.
"Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there," says the service guy.
An hour later the service guy shows up
with a stick, a
Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man
some instructions: "Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the
gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained
Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles off. The gorilla will then
cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on
him."
The man asks, "What do I do with the shotgun?"
The service guy replies, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua."
QUICK JOKE III
A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint
the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and
gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about
this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a
large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.
When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show
their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything
like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed like that."
GOT JOKE?
Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit
The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the
brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
for all the world to see!
|
It's fucking shit! ~ gay |
Dear gay,
That's what we strive here for at The Slightly Warped Website! We're not content to bring you just ordinary everyday run-of-the-mill shit. Our shit is factory tested by Swedish engineers to bring you the purest unadulterated shit available on the internet!
So, tell your friends... some websites merely give you shit, but here at slightlywarped.com, we settle for nothing less than fucking shit!
Love,
Donner
AMERICAN IDOL!
It's that time again when I pretty much become a complete and total eunuch and devote an unhealthy amount of attention on American Idol! Now that the excruciatingly bad audition process is over, here's what I think of the the final 24 in their first show!
Rudy Cardenas – “Free Ride”
Too nasal, too routine, too ordinary. I didn’t like it… didn’t like it one bit.
Randy and Simon hit it right on the head when they said that he didn’t stand out
from some guy doing karaoke in a bar. Hell, I’m better than that! From this
point on, if he continues to suck and remain on the show, he shall be known as
“Doodie Cardenas.”
Brandon Rogers – “Rock with You”
Oversung and safe. Not terrible, but kind of boring. I like his voice, though.
Kind of an old-fashioned Earthiness to it.
Sundance Head – “Knights in White Satin”
Sundance Dead is more like it. This was hideous. It seems like anytime he has to
sing with music in the background, he crashes. Awful, awful job. This is one of
those cases where I’m frankly surprised he made it through to the final 24. From
this point on, if he continues to suck and remain on the show, he shall be known
as “Dumbdance”
Paul Kim – “Never Gonna Dance Again”
Started out really rough, got a little better, and finally got really horrible
when he tried to hit the high notes. Sounded like bad karaoke. I think he’ll
skate by on looks, previous auditions, and personality into next week.
Chris Richardson - “I Don’t Wanna Be”
Right now I can picture Justin Timberlake throwing things at his TV screaming,
“How DARE they compare this piece of shit to me!?” Awful! I have no other words
for it. At least he tried to be original with the song, but his performance was
through the nose and terrible! From this point on, if he continues to suck and
remain on the show, he shall be known as “Piss Richardson.”
Nick Pedro – “I Will Be Your Man”
Finally! Someone who sounds good! His song was heartfelt, well sung, and
pleasant to listen to. The beginning was rough and the falsetto was a bit
awkward, but I enjoyed it.
Blake Lewis – “Somewhere Only We Know”
Not bad. I wasn’t blown away by Blake’s performance, but he did decently and in
a night such as this… decent in a sea of mediocrity is a triumph.
Sanjaya Malakar – “There’s Something About Your Love”
I like this guy. I think he’s got a great voice, a unique look, and I just like
his personality. Probably not the best performance of the night, it was nasally
and a little boring, but not horrible. I would like to see what he can do in the
future. From this point on, if he continues to suck and remain on the show, he
shall be known as “Vagina Malakar.”
Chris Sligh – “Typical”
I love this little smartass. He’s got personality coming out of his little fat
ass and his voice is phenomenal. Fun performance and while I agree he isn’t the
best singer of the bunch, I have a feeling he might just be the 2007 American
Idol.
Jared Cotter – “Back at One”
Pretty horrible. Pitchy, weak, and unsteady. Plus, I hate the hell out of this
fucking song and that never helps.
AJ Tabaldo – “All My Love”
AJ was okay. I couldn’t understand him and he seemed nasally, but at least he
had a good time singing. I’ve seen much worse… mostly tonight.
Phil Stacey – “I Could Not Ask For More”
Started out – and I have no other word for it – weird. Almost like someone was
making fun of Cher. As he went into the power singing, it got a lot better.
Phil’s got a great voice even if he does look like a cancer victim run over by a
bus and hit in the face with a bag of thumbtacks.
Great
Nick Pedro
Blake Lewis
Good
Phil Stacey
AJ Tabaldo
Chris Sligh
Brandon Rogers
Bad
Paul Kim
Sanjaya Malakar
Horrible
Jared Cotter
Rudy Cardenas
Chris Richardson
Sundance Head
Even though Chris Richardson turned in one of the worst performances of the
night, I see the ravenous twelve years olds sending him through. Therefore, I
see Sundance and Rudy leaving on Thursday.
Update: THE GIRLS
Stephanie Edwards – “How Come You Don’t Call Me
Anymore?”
While it was a bit pitchy I like Stephanie’s voice… that old-fashioned vocal you
might hear in the background of a smoky bar scene in a 1940’s movie. I liked
her. It was a nice risky choice. Good show, my good woman.
Amy Krebs – “I Can’t Make You Love Me”
Not if you keep singing like that, you can’t! Amy seemed to be having trouble
finding her footing with this ditty and then slipped and slid all the way into
the dreary land of suckage. If she remains on the show and continues to suck, I
shall call her “Amy Kraps”
Leslie Hunt – “Natural Woman”
Not the best of the night and barely in the realm of acceptable, but I do
applaud Ms. Hunt for putting a unique spin on such an overplayed song. And I
also have to thank her for not sucking completely because I think that the
nickname that rhymes with “Hunt” that I had lined up for her would have really
been pushing the border of good taste.
Sabrina Sloan – “I Can’t Never Love a Man the Way I Love You”
Not bad. Not average. Awesome! I like this chick. She got up on stage with
confidence, belted her song out, and kicked the ass of everyone who got on stage
before her. This is definitely the babe to beat in this competition.
Antonella Barba - “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”
A weird rendition and the vocals didn’t help either. She was very shaky and out
of tune. You could hear this poor girl’s voice quivering and after the
confidence exuded from Sabrina, it just seemed like Antonella wanted desperately
to get off the stage… almost as desperate as I was for her to get off the stage.
Pretty horrid. I think she’s a goner. I’m not even going to bother coming up
with a nickname. Anna Nicole has a better chance of being back next week.
Jordin Sparks – “Turn Right Back Around”
I wouldn’t classify this as a bad performance, but it was very boring, dull, and
predictable. No chances were taken, it was all very safe and blasé. Still, she’s
a fun singer... she just needs to challenge herself more and become great as
opposed to good.
Nicole Tranquillo – “?????”
Wow… I can’t decide if she was trying to sing, make fun of a different singer,
or just imitating a horse. Did she have to pee? Was she hurting? Not half as
much as I was. Very bad. Nothing really came together in this song. Shittier
than a newly fertilized cornfield and just plain weird.
Haley Scarnato – “It’s All Coming Back to Me”
Wow, what a minefield of sour notes. Selena must be spinning in her grave at
about 20,000 RPMs. She was about an octave too low, the song didn’t suit her,
and it swallowed her whole. Terrible.
Melinda Dolittle – “Since You’ve Been Gone”
Idol’s got a bunch of hot chicks this year, but Melinda is just plain adorable.
She’s sweet, humble, and seems so grateful to be there. It’s only enhanced by
the face that an amazing voice comes out of her mouth. Loved it, loved her, and
I think that she may just be one of those singers who unexpectedly sneaks in and
steals it.
Alaina Alexander – “Give Me Your Attention”
A boring and safe rendition. Not memorable and not even able to qualify as good.
This is average at best, average at worst. Meh.
Gina Glocksen – “All By Myself”
My main gripe here… song choice. Gina, in the opening interviews, seemed to have
a bubbly personality and then goes and does a boring and depressing tune. I
didn’t like the song, the singing was all right, but it was very dreary.
LaKisha Jones – “You’re Gonna Love Me”
I love it when a show ends on a high note. Powerful and soulful, LaKisha is one
of the frontrunners of the competition. Loved it. It wasn’t just in another
league, it was on a higher dimensional plane.
Great
LaKisha Jones
Melinda Dolittle
Sabrina Sloan
Stephanie Edwards
Good
Gina Glocksen
Jordin Sparks
Bad
Alaina Alexander
Leslie Hunt
Haley Scarnato
Horrible
Amy Krebs
Nicole Tranquillo
Antonella Barba
Antonella Barba is definitely out. Aside from her looks, she has nothing
going for her and has no business being in AI. For the other rejection spot,
it’s a toss-up between Nicole and Amy, but I think that Nicole Tranquillo
will be the one leaving the tribe for that weird horse-voice song.
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JUSTICE SQUAD NEW EPISODE! Devour gets a solo adventure! His first one since his last one! Enjoy! |
That's it for this week. Join us next week for more useless crap and insufficient updates!
Monday February 26, 2007
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QUICK JOKE
 |
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms
come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and
leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend
and her
parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He
begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
QUICK JOKE II
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him
sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in
preparation of making love to his wife.
Johnny's father in attempt to hide his
full erection
with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin' dad?"
His father quickly replied "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.", to which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"
QUICK JOKE III
An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, an Aussie, an Abo, a Yank, an
African, an elephant, a refrigerator, two blondes, a homosexual, three
social workers, a Jew, a crocodile and a kiwi all walked into a bar.The
bartender turned around and said, "Is this some kind of a joke?""
QUICK JOKE IV
One day the little rascals were sitting in school. The teacher walked
in, and said, "good morning class. Today we are going to play word
games. I'm going togive you a word and I want you to put it in a
sentence for me."
She said "Spanky you're first. Your word is football." Spanky stood up and proudly said " I threw the football," and sat down.
The teacher said "very good Spanky." Then the teacher said, "Darla, you're next. Your word is pretty." Darla stood up and said, " I think I'm very pretty!"
Then she sat down. Then the teacher called
on Buckwheat. She said, "Buckwheat, you're
next. Your word is dictate."
Buckwheat stood up and said, "Hey Darla! How'd my dictate las nigh?"
GOT JOKE?
Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit
The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the
brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
for all the world to see!
|
Dude this
site rockksss hardcore but u need newer games i've been playing the same
games for a year
~ Matthew |
Dear Matthew,
Yes, it is true that the games in the Arcade haven't gotten switched out in a while, but honestly? A year? I think you mean "since October" which is hardly a year. You exaggerate a little bit... like in your graphical representation of your penis. Honestly, eleven backslashes? I think not, Wee Willy Winky!
Don't feel bad, though. If you really wanted Bush to suck it, it's probably best that it's no bigger than a pretzel.
Love,
Donner
THOUGHTS ON ANNA NICOLE
Even though it's been several weeks, I am still getting e-mails asking me why I haven't commented on the Anna Nicole thing. I cracked a joke about her last week, but that seemed insufficient to satisfy the cravings for me to comment on her death so, you asked for it... here we go.
Anna Nicole was one of those celebrities who became famous just for being famous, a lot like Paris Hilton or Zsa Zsa Gabor. We watched her play many parts from a playboy playmate to a has-been reality star, to a Trimspa spokesperson. The entire time laughing and pointing at the trainwreck that was her life.
Even when her own so died, we couldn't stop marveling. A lot like those empty-headed thrill seekers who slow down on highways to rubberneck at car accidents, we couldn't get enough of seeing this woman's downward slide.
When I first pulled up Yahoo the other day and saw that she had died, I was very saddened by the news. I couldn't put my finger on it why. I didn't watch her show, I didn't have her centerfold, and I considered The Naked Gun 33 1/3 to be the worst of the series. Why was I saddened?
Perhaps because this human joke... this person who we all laughed at as her life spiraled out of control and into the toilet... was suddenly reduced to the cold truth of a dead body on a gurney and, although we still point and watch, we're no longer laughing.
It's not funny. It never was.
And so, I look now at Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, Nichole Ritchie, and all these young stars (some, like Anna Nicole famous for just being famous) and I wonder which one we will be laughing at next. Who will become the next big joke? Who will be reduced to a body on a gurney?
I think of this and when news of Paris getting pulled over for a DWI interrupts my regularly scheduled program... I find a different program to watch. I may not be able to stop the inevitable, but I damn sure well won't fucking take part in the downward spiral.
And those are my thoughts. Sorry they aren't funny, but like I said the situation never was.
AMERICAN IDOL RECAP
Phil Stacey – “I Ain’t Missing You”
Truthfully, I missed the majority of this song but from what I saw from
the recap at the end of the show, he sounded pretty decent even if he
still looks like a burn victim run down by a stampeding herd of buffalo
with razors on their hooves.
Jared Cotter – “Lets Get it On”
In a word, bad. In several words, it was a pretty lame karaoke version
of Marvin Gaye. Jared just sang it by the numbers, didn’t get
adventurous like he said he was going to, and ended up displaying an
entire two minutes of boring suck.
AJ Tabaldo – “It’s a New Life”
Weak. After seeing the girls sing last week, it’s hacky singers like AJ
that remind me of just why none of the boys are going to be able to
compete this year and that reason is that all of their voices are weak
Nancy-boy voices. I’m on the fence about this one… I wasn’t blown away,
didn’t really care for it, but I didn’t find it terrible. Average is the
best praise I can give.
Vagina Malakar – “Stepping Out”
A boring prissy performance that seemed better suited to a fucking Kids
Bop CD. It might be acceptable for an off broadway show, but on American
Idol it was just plain horrible. Bad song choice, terrible rendition.
This is precisely why the girls are so much better than the boys this
time around… they picked girls who can belt and boys that belong in a
boy’s band. Ghastly and just plain weird.
Chris Sligh – “Trouble”
Chris so far has been the only singer of the night that appears to have
any real power behind his voice. What’s more, he’s fat and I am a strong
supporter of fat people to outdo any skinny person. I think he can sing
much better, but I would still put it much higher than average.
Nick Pedro – “Fever”
Not terrible, not great. I like Nick, I like his voice, and I like his
vibe but I can’t say that it was better than average. He deserves to be
in this competition next week, though, simply for his “vote for Pedro”
line. Well done, sir!
Blake Lewis – “Virtual Insanity”
It was kind of fun to see Blake break out with the beat boxing and I
liked the song. Overall, he seems to me like he’s an all around
entertainer and he’s fun to watch. Best of the night.
Brandon Rogers – “Time After Time”
Thanks, Brandon Rogers, for completely ruining and fouling what was once
my favorite song. Cyndi Lauper must be spinning in her grave. Hated it,
hated it, hated it. Awful! Terrible! Listening to this song was like
having your eardrums eaten by maggots. Why doesn’t anything insultingly
clever rhyme with “Brandon” or “Rogers?” Bravo to Simon for calling him
out on that sensitive vote whoring shit.
Piss Richardson – “The Geek in the Pink”
There’s nothing sadder when a singer chooses a song that is simply too
hard for him. Chris seemed like he was doing all he could to simply keep
up with this song. Not that great, not that entertaining. I completely
disagree with the judges on this one. Bleh.
Sundance Head – “Ride Around Sally”
A huge monstrous ginormous improvement over last week. He keeps this up
and I’ll stop calling him Suckdance. Incredible performance. Sundance is
back! Yay!
BEST
Blake Lewis – “Virtual Insanity”
Sundance Head – “Ride Around Sally”
GOOD
Chris Sligh – “Trouble”
Nick Pedro – “Fever”
Phil Stacey – “I Ain’t Missing You”
BAD
Jared Cotter – “Lets Get it On”
AJ Tabaldo – “It’s a New Life”
Piss Richardson – “The Geek in the Pink”
AWFUL
Vagina Malakar – “Stepping Out”
Brandon Rogers – “Time After Time”
I think that time has run out for little Vagina Malakar and,
although I think that Brandon Rogers deserves to be kicked off the show
and executed for his role in fucking up “Time After Time,” I have the
sinking feeling that this won’t happen so I’ll give the other ticket
home to AJ Tabaldo.
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JUSTICE SQUAD NEW EPISODE! The final multi-writer arch starts now as Donner is thrown 30 years into a future where superheroes are the new minority and they are out of control! Can he bring Justice Squad out of retirement and save the world? |
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NEW MOVIE COMMENTARY! Since I seem to be unable to drag my sorry ass to the movies for anything, check out this brand new DVD commentary for The Lion King! |
That's all for now! See you real soon... from the bushes under your bedroom window!