May 2017

Movie Reviews

Alien: Covenant

Alien: Covenant is a dumpster fire. A long, tedious, uninteresting and completely scareless movie that takes what should be simple survival horror and mixes it with psychological double-talk that is supposed to elevate it to philosophy, but really does nothing more than shove the movie’s head up its own ass so that it can sniff its own farts and convince itself that it’s some sort of designer perfume.